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Jason Toews and fifi (the band)

fifi Lyrics 1: Live and Rabid


Death Poodle

Cycle 1: Instrumental

Cycle 2:
It’s getting close to midnight
And the darkness fills your room
But don’t you fall asleep
And don’t feel safe too soon

You wake up in a cold sweat
Rising from a dream
Open your eyes and what you see
Makes you try to scream

An evil poodle at your neck
You can feel his breath
An evil poodle, his fur dyed pink
The scary color of death

“Get up and get me some milkbones!”
He screams with a terrifying wail
“fifi want to go for walky!” he barks
With foaming mouth and wagging tail

Throw down your rhinestone leash and collar now
Because they’re poodles without a cause
Let by the one known only as “fifi”
Under the sign of the blood-stained paws


Wood is good
U never should
Hurt wood
If U could
Wood is your friend
Wood will never end
Rip, tear, or bend
Why don’t U send
A friend
Some wood
Wood is good (yeah)
Alder wood (yeah)
Birch wood (yeah)
Cedar wood (yeah)
Oak wood (yeah)
Maple wood (yeah)
Poplar wood (yeah)
Wood comes from trees
If U please
Don’t tease
The bees

“U know, baby, wood is your friend. (wood is your friend)
That’s right – wood.
Wood will never make U sad
Or ruin your party. (make U cry)
Listen up! (what?)
When all your friends have left U,
And you’re alone and crying, (bye bye love)
Who’s still around for U
To cry on?”

“Uh… wood?”

“That’s right – wood.
Wood is there for U to cry on,
Always and at all times.”


Yogurt from Another World

(Part III of “Evil Dairy Products”)

Ancient wise men and books of the past
Tell of when terror reigned over the land
A time when yogurt fell from the sky
An evil deluge, fruity and bland

Feigning innocence in waxy cups
Quietly waiting on dairy shelves
Secretly waiting, communicating
For the takeover, training themselves

Finally it came: the bubble burst
The fascist Yogurt Regime was here
Proud kings became slaves, trained to behave
And men felt the paralysis of fear

Men fought their chains and lived with the pain
Blood of the rebels ran deep and red
The anger of the oppressed festered
Finally one man stood up and said:

“Hey! This yogurt is past the pull date!”

So the people returned the unused portion
to the manufacturer for a full refund.
The world was saved, and there
was much rejoicing.


In Celebration of Toasters

Toasters are the neatest things
All chrome and shiny steel
The bread goes down, comes up brown
What a nifty deal

Some are big, some are small
Some can take four slices
Of all the small appliances
Toasters are the nicest

How would you heat Pop-Tarts
If the toasters all were gone?
You’d still have jams and jellies
But nothing to put them on

Men and their toaster brothers should unite
It often has been said
Abolish the horrible slavery
Of these obedient heaters of bread

Sorry ‘Bout That

I stepped on your dog
And then I ran over your cat
I kicked your Mom in the face
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

I insulted your Dad
Said he was fat
Hey! It was a joke!
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

I didn’t like your mama’s cooking
So instead I ate a rat
Prepared him in your blender
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

I didn’t like your sister’s face
So I whipped the little brat
She’ll be out of the hospital soon
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

I don’t know why I do these things
Sure feel like a fool
When I came to dinner that night
You stopped thinking I was cool

I laughed at the funeral
Of your uncle Matt
Threw food at the preacher
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

Your brother got mad
‘Cos I sat on his hat
He was still wearing it
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

I borrowed your Porsche
All the tires were flat
Now the whole car is
And I’m Sorry ‘Bout That

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