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Jason Toews and fifi (the band)

fifi Lyrics 2: Does its Duty

bloodycollar

Skippy’s Outta Jail

CHORUS:
Skippy’s outta jail (boy oh boy!)
Fills my teenage heart with joy
Ain’t makin’ license plates no more
He’s a different man, fer sure!

“When’s he comin’ home?”
My girlfriends say
He’s comin’ home tonight!
Comin’ to stay!

He can grow his hair
And watch TV
And he can make
A happy girl of me

He can clean his guns
And sharpen his knives
And he can cut short
Small animals’ lives

CHORUS

Skippy’s comin’ home
His time is done
“Oh Skippy!” I giggled
“Where’d you get that gun?”

I love Skippy
And he loves me
We’re gonna have us
A family

CHORUS

“Oh, Skippy, come on
Don’t shoot that cat!
I love you, babe
Don’t do that!”

Now we’re runnin’
Across the state line
That’s fine with me
‘Cos that man is mine

CHORUS

A Day in the Life of a Doe

The air is clean
The water cool
A clearing by
A deep blue pool

A doe steps out
Of the trees
Onto the grass
By the reeds

Lilting music
Soon is heard
The singing of
The forest birds

The doe begins
To leap and prance
Caught up in
The forest dance

The doe’s brown eyes
Soon turn red
The doe starts coughing
And then drops dead

At Least You Saw the Jacksons

I hear your Dad got cancer
Your dog got hit by a car
I hear you broke your arm
While playing the guitar

I hear your parents got divorced
Your car got trashed by a train
I guess you flunked your algebra test
I think it’s gonna rain

CHORUS:
But at least you saw the Jacksons
On their “Victory” tour
At least you saved your whole life
From going down the sewer

Did your family go bankrupt?
Are you in a financial bind?
Did your toaster go up in flames?
And did your cat go blind?

I heard you got electrocuted
You’re in a “State of Shock”
I guess your boyfriend dumped you
Then drove off with your truck

The Avon lady mugged you
Ran off with your money
Except for her Doberman mauling you
It woulda been kinda funny

CHORUS

Rebellious Cottage Cheese

(Part XXXIX of “Evil Dairy Products”)

Man lived in peace with his cheese
Many, many years ago
Havarti, Colby, Cheddar Cheese
Edam, Gouda, and Samsoe

To the younger, spunky teens
Might fine were all of these
But all that satisfied these teens
Was their favorite: COTTAGE CHEESE

But one day, a book was found
Told of when yogurt ruled the land
Cottage cheese formed an underground
They felt their time was at hand

“The Age of the Curds has come!
The time is done for the Czar!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Let’s blow up a person’s car!”

Cheese attacked the people’s forts
And pillaged their tiny towns
They were contempt in all the courts
Killed horses at Churchill Downs

BATTLE INTERLUDE:
“Onward, my dairy warriors, ONWARD!”

“Cheese, HEIL! Cheese, HEIL!”

“We will go on to the end. We will fight in the dairy sections of 7-11’s and other convenience stores. We shall defend our homes against the cheese hordes, whatever the cost may be…
We shall NEVER SURRENDER!”

Then the final face-off came
Men pulled out machines of death
Shot avocados all the same
And told this story as a myth

African Disequilibrium

Millions of people
Living only on bananas
Families of 47
Living in one-room mud huts

They can’t speak English
Cry for the Dark Continent
If only for this
And that they do not have… MTV

Weep for Mother Afrika
And her Pseudo-Euro-Afro-Quasi-Communism
Hate and prejudice reign as dictators in Afrika
And they lack modern sewage disposal systems

Don’t look for Fotomats in Afrika
For this is a symbol of purity and righteousness
A deity not recognized by native heathens
For, though they own the Suez Canal, they know not of Yamaha Jetskis

Weep for Mother Afrika
As she weeps for you
And holds out her trembling hand, waiting
For you to proffer the gift of non-stick Teflon frying pans

Weep Weep Weep A Lot
Weep Weep Weep A Lot
Weep Weep Weep A Lot
Weep Weep Weep A Lot

Semi-Revolutionary Colons

Semi-Colon
Semi-Colon
Semi-Colon
Semi-Colon

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