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Jason Toews and fifi (the band)

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The Fixx (and How to Get it): Part II

Posted on Oct 8, 2008 in Paul's Basement | 0 comments

“In their music, popular groups are putting across fornication and drugs as a way of life… What possible meeting of the minds can there be between true Christians and the attitudes manifested in such lyrics and philosophy?” – Watchtower magazine, 1/15/83

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The Fixx (and How to Get it): Part I

Posted on Oct 8, 2008 in Paul's Basement | 4 comments

“Hey, you guys!” Eric shouts with barely-contained glee, “I think GENE SISKEL is going to be here tonight!”

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Coachella 2007 in Fragments

Posted on Oct 7, 2008 in Paul's Basement | 0 comments

I imagined walking into Target, and seeing those cute young cashiers, and having to admit that I had bailed on the long-awaited reunion of Rage Against the Machine because I had a cold, and that humiliation was intolerable to me.

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Into the Forest

Posted on Oct 6, 2008 in Paul's Basement | 0 comments

“He claims he’s just relocating the squirrels,” notes Ed, as the film fades to black.

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Before and After “Back to the Future”

Posted on Oct 6, 2008 in Paul's Basement | 0 comments

They’d wink at you like you were in on the plan, and if you didn’t let them steal the notebook paper they’d call you a fag and punch you in the chest, hard, and you’d feel like crying but you couldn’t because there was a line of 20 other students waiting to buy Sweet-Tarts and pink erasers.

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The Springfield Mystery Spot!

Posted on Sep 29, 2007 in Wheedle in My Rearview | 2 comments

FACT: Only two birthday parties are recorded in the Bible. FACT: Both were celebrated by pagans. FACT: Both ended with the martyring of a true believer. CONCLUSION: No Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots on June 22 for Jason.

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Two Conversations About One Thing

Posted on Sep 17, 2007 in Wheedle in My Rearview | 1 comment

“Scum of the earth, I tell ya.” He nearly spat the words at me. “Filthy, lowlife scum of the earth,” he added, clarifying his previous comment.

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Grief: It’s What’s for Dinner!

Posted on Sep 5, 2007 in Wheedle in My Rearview | 4 comments

I assume this is normal toxic fallout from our recent cross-country move and subconsciously I’m grappling with the separation from loved ones, or it could simply be that I’m eating dinner too late.

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Take THAT, Robert Downey, Jr.!

Posted on Aug 23, 2007 in Wheedle in My Rearview | 2 comments

In Massachusetts, you simply rocket off the first highway and, without decreasing your speed in the slightest, shoot blindly into the whirling, deadly traffic of The Rotary – which we now refer to as “The Killin’ Wheel” – and then aim your car at the exit spoke and hope for the best.

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The Three Complaints of Jason Toews

Posted on Aug 22, 2007 in Wheedle in My Rearview | 1 comment

I have come to believe that the resident in Unit 73 – in clear violation of Regency Park Community Association policy – is operating a breeding and training facility for Mexican fighting dogs, or else some kind of long-term boarding kennel for incontinent llamas.

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