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Jason Toews and fifi (the band)

Max and Jason: Days 9 and 10

Washington, DC to Agawam, MA

Too many words; just ask Jeff Lageson. Back about 20 years ago, Jeff kindly sent me a book of his poetry. I responded with a scathing written critique of his work in which I enumerated every ill-considered metaphor and misplaced comma. My response was not only pompous and sorta mean-spirited, it was also criminally loooooooong. At 14 single-spaced pages, it may have actually contained more words than the slim volume it was meant to appraise.

As belated penance for my arrogantly excessive verbiage, this post will be short on words… but with lots of purty pitchers!

* * * *

“Turn left at the pile of construction debris,” Robin told us, and so we did.

Presently we found ourselves at the Regency Park Fully Furnished Short-Term Condos in Agawam, MA.

Max and I had started the day in Washington, DC, but the drive between there and Agawam had been relatively uneventful, so, in the interest of “less words, more pretty pictures,” I’m opting to skip to our arrival in Agawam.

AGAWAM.

Aaaaag-A-Waaaaam. It’s fun to say, isn’t it? AG. A. WAM. AGAWAM!

Robin, in preparation for our arrival, had made our favorite dinner: Tuna Casserole! Yum! Sadly, she had neglected to get me any half-n-half for my morning coffee, so we had to drive down to the “Big Y” grocery store in downtown Aaaaaaag-A-Waaaaaam.

After dinner, Robin treated us to a guided tour of our “Fully Furnished” Condo. Here is just a sampling of the tasteful and contemporary artwork featured in our unit (other units may vary):

A close-up shot, so you can appreciate the full 3-D splendor of this finely woven piece:

Sam the Eagle is WATCHING YOU!

This beauty is positioned so that we can see it as we’re falling asleep:

All Regency Park Condos come equipped with the latest Hi-Tech Safety Features:

Don’t forget the On-Site Nature Trails:

All units feature panoramic views of the professionally-landscaped grounds:

After excitedly telling Robin all about our madcap adventures (or at least the ones we didn’t write about in this blog, like that drunk lady at Mt. Rushmore and her shudder-inducing “wardrobe malfunction”), we settled in on the couch and watched “Road to Perdition” (thank you, Netflix!) on the condo-provided TV. Unfortunately, the left audio channel seemed to be burned out on the DVD player, so we could only hear the dialogue from characters standing on the right side of the screen, but whatever: We were all together at last, safe in AAAAAAAGAAWAAAAAAMM.

* * * *

On our journey across these United States, Max and I drove over 3600 miles. Now, if Max hadn’t drifted off onto I-94, that number would be about 250 miles lower, but still: That’s quite a drive. Okay, I’ll admit – there was a missed turn around Pittsburgh that happened on my driving shift, but this is about celebrating our accomplishment, not laying blame. We drove through 18 states (I think), saw a whole buttload of National Monuments, encountered more bikers than I knew existed, enjoyed a succulent Beefalo burger, marveled over piles of wrecked children’s bicycles, explored caves, and bore witness to the awe-inspiring majesty of Jesus-praising rockers Godstruck.

On Sunday, my traveling partner and beloved son Max flew home to Seattle, WA, and I stayed here.

In Agawam. AGGY-WAGGY-WAM. Aggly-Waggly-Wam. Wig-A-Wam. Fag-A-Wam. Mug-A-Wumps. Snuffle-Up-A-Ga-Wam.

And that was very, very sad.

Next: Robin’s Lost Luggage Nightmare! and…

How to Register Your Vehicle in Tax-a-chusetts, in 97 Easy Steps!

One Comment

  1. Mr. Dizzle … any hard feelings that may or may not have been brought on by your essay have long since been purged from memory, but thanks for the public apology nonetheless … in all seriousness I believe I have pretty thick skin and did so back then, as not only did my poetry not always find an appreciative audience, but neither did my college newspaper editorials or rock magazine reviews and columns, sort of an occupational hazard …

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